A report on a post-college quest-for-knowledge

                                  _OR_

                        Toot-Toot-Tootsie, hello.




                                 ABSTRACT

    Something was wondered, something was done, something was learned.


                            NOT QUITE SO ABSTRACT

    Time after time, Scientific investigation, combined with advances in
technology, has answered many of life's mysteries which had previously been
believed to be limited to the realm of philosophy.  Early astronomers solved
the problem of "Why does the sun rise?"  Discoveries about light and its
refractive properties answered "Why is the sky blue?"  And modern Physics
may even give us "How did the universe begin?"  And now, lack of any social
life whatsoever brings us:



HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE TOOTSIE-ROLL CENTER OF A
TOOTSIE-POP?





                                    SURREAL


  For this investigation, I took 10 randomly selected tootsie-pops, of various 
flavours, picked one face, again randomly, and licked each one until I touched 
Tootsie (and was promptly slapped) (sorry).  If anyone has any problems with 
my methods, lets see them waste THEIR time with this idiocy.



                               GERMAN EXPRESSIONISM

Results were as follows:

POP #                   LICKS
1                       193
2                       772
3                       518
4                       422
5                       1111
6                       288
7                       356
8                       1085
9                       595
10                      1002



        This yielded a mean of
                         634.2
        I also dropped the highest and lowest scores, for a modified mean of
                         629.75



                     KIND OF LIKE THAT MOVIE, "ERASERHEAD"

        The wide range of scores has a number of causes.  For one thing,
tootsie-pop making technology is far from perfect.  Often, the tootsie center
is much closer to one side than the other.  Also, my salivate the same amount
at all times technique leaves a bit to be desired.  Cest la Vache, or
whatever.



                Inquiringly yours,

                        Mark "Thermal Eye" Robertshaw (1990)